An Answer to Doctors Behaving Badly

Below is a letter I sent in response to a copy of a policy I received from one of the hospitals where I work:

Dear Sam:

Congratulations on your ascent to the presidency of the medical staff. While any interest I might have had in the administrative aspects of modern medicine was extinguished by my four years as chairman of the radiology department, I salute those who heed the call to medical staff leadership, however thankless and poorly remunerated the job may be.

I am responding to your memo of April 18 requesting comment on the draft Medical Staff Code of Conduct Policy. As I read through this substantial document of eight pages, plus the additional page covering the Retaliation and Retribution Policy, I was struck by the complexity of our efforts to regulate human behavior. Perhaps this is necessary, given the complexity of human beings. I think it’s unlikely these policies will be widely read, particularly by those most likely to violate the standards contained therein. At least they won’t be read until it’s too late and the offenders are called on the carpet. I’d like to suggest that instead we distribute to all members of the medical staff a single sheet of paper bearing a single statement:

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Each member of the medical staff would be required to return a signed copy of this document to be placed in his or her file as an indication that he or she read this sentence, and that he or she understands there will be consequences if this admonition is ignored. It may be somewhat controversial using this principle as a medical staff policy, since it was uttered by Jesus. However, since we work at a Catholic institution, we may be able to pull it off. We could produce a more ecumenical version if necessary. For instance, Buddha said, “Consider others as yourself.” Confucius said, “What you do not wish upon yourself, extend not to others.” Passages in the Koran, the Torah, and the Bhagavad Gita all contain similar sentiments. Even atheists would have trouble mounting an argument against this principle. We wouldn’t have to tell them it comes from the Bible, unless corporate counsel feels full disclosure is required.

Thank you for considering this proposal.

Yours truly,



David A. Cory, M.D.

Putting the X back in Christmas

A recent news item reinforced my feeling that Christmas in America has become a pagan holiday celebrating consumerism. I wrote a poem on that theme which was published approximately a hundred years ago in the newspaper, which I think was called Smoke Signals, at Wawasee High School. I don't recall the exact wording, but it went, as a lounge singer at the Holiday Inn might say, something like this:

A long time ago
wise men
followed a star
to a manger

Today
shoppers
follow a blue light
saying
"I got to find a pair of size 46 boxers for uncle Harry."

The blue light referred to the way K-Mart marked special sales within the store. I'm not sure blue light specials or K-Marts even exist anymore.

But I digress. The news item I saw was (those last two words are a palindrome [but I digress further {and become increasingly parenthetic}])that the Marines' Toys for Tots program had rejected a donation of 4000 talking Jesus dolls, on the basis that they don't know the religion of the tots getting the toys. They didn't want an unsuspecting Muslim or Jew pulling the cord and being offended by such dogma as "Love your neighbor as yourself." That's the spirit! Keep Jesus out of this holiday! Alas, my faith in American consumerism has been shaken, as the Marines have now reversed their decision and will find appropriate homes for the Jesus dolls. One can only hope that all this publicity results in more sales of religious action figures this season.

I think Kinky Friedman hit it spot-on in this lyric from his song, "They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore:"

They oughta send you back to russia, boy, or New York City one
You just want to doodle a Christian girl and you killed God's only son.

I said, has it occurred to you, you nerd, that that's not very nice,
We Jews believe it was Santa Claus that killed Jesus Christ.


A column in the local paper the other day discussed "Christmas Creep." The display of Christmas merchandise and the appearance of Chrismas-themed commercials on TV occur earlier and earlier every year. Thanksgiving used to mark the beginning of the avaricious shopping season, but now it's closer to Halloweeen. I believe it was the first week in November when I heard the noxious "Little Drummer Boy" on the radio for the first time this year.

So perhaps there is hope that America will succeed in keeping the focus of Christmas where it belongs. BUY! BUY! BUY!