Monday, July 27, 2009

The Manly Blogger Guy Award

One of my other blogs, The Marx Brothers, recently received the "One Lovely Blog" award, replete with a logo composed of pink roses, pink ribbons, and a teacup. Obviously, this award was created by a woman to boost the self-esteem of her sister bloggers. One of the requirements of the award is to pass it on to other bloggers, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I toyed with the idea of a more male-oriented blog award, such as a "Blog and Suds" award with a stein of beer for its logo, or a "Silent But Deadly" award, to be awarded only after a blog had received the "Blog and Suds" award. The logo of the SBD award would be an atomic mushroom cloud. I even considered a foldout "Blog of the Month Award." After fellow male blogger Archie also received the "One Lovely Blog" award, I knew it was time for action. Even though Archie graciously accepted and passed on the award, we guys (as men are invariably called in commercials for prostate-shrinking pharmaceuticals) need our own award. Thus I hereby launch the "Manly Blogger Guy Award." The conditions of the award are as follows:

1. The blog receiving the award must demonstrate masculine qualities such as sloth, boorishness, urinary hesitancy, or flatulence. In the interest of equal opportunity, these criteria do not entirely exclude female nominees.

2. No blog which plays background music such as "Somewhere My Love" or "My Heart Will Go On" is eligible.

3. The award should be passed on to as many other blogs as possible, but watching televised sports or taking a nap should take precedence over passing out awards.

For the award logo, I have selected a classic symbol of male self-delusion. Back in the 60s and 70s, Hai Karate aftershave commercials used dialogue like:
GUY: Hey how about a movie tonight?

GIRL: Wow, what's that aftershave?!

ANNOUNCER: New Hai Karate aftershave is so powerful, it drives women right out of their minds. That's why we have to put instructions on self-defense in every package. Hai Karate, the brisk splash-on aftershave that smooths, and soothes, and cools. Hai Karate--aftershave, cologne, and gift sets. Hai Karate--be careful how you use it.
They really did include self-defense instructions with these cheap toiletries. BTW, I bought the product, but never had the opportunity to fight off crowds of amorous girls--or even one for that matter--while wearing Hai Karate.

The inaugural recipients of the MBG Award are:

#167 Dad
Archie's Archive

Congratulations, GUYS!

10 comments:

sledpress said...

Dang, I wish I'd thought of that before foisting the roses on Archie. The implicit approbation when I got them was terrific, but I feel about as natural in the same room with china and bouquets as your average navvy or auto mechanic.

How about a unisex blogger award? The Golden Mouse?

archiearchive said...

I am honoured and shall pass it on to deserving bloggers. You are quite correct, we men must start claiming the blogipelago back. Or at least that little shed bit out the back.

David C. said...

sledpress,
I beieve your remorse is heartfelt. As to a unisex award, I feel that would imply a degree of sensitivity and nurturing bordering on femininity.

archie,
Today the little shed bit, tomorrow, the doghouse.

Anonymous said...

Shucks, Dave - I'm speechless. I've never received a blog award, let alone a manly blogger guy award. And darn it all, I'm secure in my manyly blogerguyhoodness to tell you I'm a litle teary eyed.
#167 Dad

David C. said...

#167,
Repeat after me--I'm good enough. I'm smart enough. And doggone it, people like me. Keep repeating this and someday you may be a U.S. Senator.

Lolita said...

Makes me feel sorry for being a woman! Keep this award alive, now!

Rick Rivers said...

Where can one acquire this Hai Karate stuff anyway. I could use some help with the girls!

Bunk Strutts said...

"Oogachaka Ooga Ooga Oogachaka Ooga Ooga" was the only part of "I Can't Stop This Feeling" that was remotely manly. Thanks for the indirect award.

David C. said...

Lo,
The viral spread of the MBGA has begun. The inaugural recipients have bestowed it on others, and I have also bestowed it on my friend, Urban Sludgewater.
I would like to give the MBGA to you, but I sense you lack the essential masculine qualities required.

Rick,
Hai Karate hasn't been manufactured for decades. Its demise occurred sometime around the time the Environmental Protection Agency was established. Coincidence? Who knows? HK still shows up on eBay at prices unheard of when it was on the shelves of drugstores everywhere.

Bunk,
I will consider creating a codicil to the rules which adds "I Can't Stop the Feeling" (with the exception of the "Ooga Chaka" part) to background music prohibited on Manly Blogs.

Matthew Coniam said...

So! You tell me my parade of old horror film cheesecake is deserving of your Manly Blogger Award and send the link, then when I get here I find you haven't actually bestowed it upon me after all.
A dastardly trick, sir! You shall be hearing from Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger, Hungerdunger and McCormick in due course...

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